Out of the frying pan into the closet

I knew there was something different about me, since childhood, i picked race cars and cricket bat instead of cute little barbies and all the pretty little things a girl is love with in her childhood. As I hit puberty i had this passive aggressive attitude among men not that I am 'misandrist' but there was something that repelled them, or may be I was just blatantly dealing with loss of my good friends, who as soon they went to high school stopped hanging out with me then they hung out with guys, and got involved with them for the sake of it. I found myself secluded as I wanted to create a 'closet' of my best memories and wanted to live there forever as i thought more I wanted to protect myself from vulnerability the more hateful and resentful I became. So, I decided that this is one phase which I have to go through and watch my friends, indulging themselves in original sin as I stood there and witnessed the bashing reality of life.

By the time I was 17, I went through a major change, which i myself couldn't identify and define. While most of my friends got boyfriends and in their free time talked about themselves and their relationship, I loved observing girls, women their looks, movements, the way they behaved, everything about them enticed me, i couldn't identify myself with them but I loved observing them, that's when  started questioning my sexuality. Being a homosexual or belonging to the community of Gay, Lesbians, Bi-sexuals and Transgender was not an option for me since there was a massive homophobia amongst Indians, plus I didn't want to stereotype myself as straight or gay but one who's adventurous and wanted to experiment, call me bi-curious.

My friends never understood as I had to roam around wearing the straight girly 'girl' caper, which kinda sucked. I knew I am going to have a really tough time with my identity, but with the abolition of Article 377 which banned homosexual conducts and union, there's a glimmer of hope actually for all those who are out of closet or inside it like me. The only work which has to be done is to eradicate this massive homophobia as well as deal with my sexuality...